To examine the fibers and textures of the whole landscape, would be a difficult task. But to use the psychoscope is a great experience, and not too many people know that special trick. Following your mind into a corner then breathing from the other set of lungs. Shoot the psychoscope up to 5000 times and light up an incense stick. Visit the people that make up the voices in my head (who all look just like me or maybe me with a different hairstyle or something). Smoking lots of reefer, trying to tune back in. This is the first chance I've had to write in a long time. I almost forgot about the lifestyle of the writer. Maybe not all writers, but definitely me as a writer. Hours and days and months of loneliness. Sure, there's people all around, but I am tuned into something they are clueless about, I never stopped writing my whole life, there are just breaks in the times I actually write something. From this day forward (12/24/98) I shall always add a few pages to this text just to keep the conversation flowing. Some of those breaks were rather long. Most of those were during eras where there was lots of love all around me. It seems like the writer in me dies when I am loving. To peal apart the layers of times I was writing would be hard to do. The basic elements of those eras read like symptoms: Prolonged periods of not being with a woman, being in an environment I had no reign in, right after a really bad ending to a relationship, or just stranded out in the proverbial desert with just a pen and a pad of paper. My poetry seemed like it was sliding back a few layers in influence. The content having more to do with reality and less to say about the actual emotions I feel. Should they? How do I feel? I think things would be pretty gloomy in hue if I wrote my emotions.

I put my analyzer to my psychoscope on aura and seen my whole problem. My aura is about thirteen shades to transparent. It probably makes me look like somebody I'm not. Like I don't really look like the person inside anymore. My looks have become shaped by the people around me over many years. I was like a piece of clay, and everyone else got to put their one forming move on it. So I really have stepped away from looking how I want to look. What is that, really? What is Brandon supposed to look like? Should I just forget it and keep looking like I do now? What should it matter, have I just lost the ability to gain people's trust? What is my problem? Do I really have one? Everyone that ever used the psychoscope will tell you, it can be a very painful ordeal. It can also be a very pleasurable one too, depending on which route you take. If you take the wrong route, you could end up dead or beat up on the sidewalk. Waking up the next morning only able to remember some things about the night before. Feeling bruised and having pains in the ribs and having a bruise on the thigh and forehead. Knowing something bad happened, but not knowing or understanding any of it. Just knowing there was a lot of Jim Beam on that road. Oh well. I think I'm going to stay off that road for a while. It is the killer of me. The psychoscope always flashes that up on the screen during the gathering of pornographic data files.