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A girl I met at a party. Beauty, intelligence, creativity, everything. I guess I should have realized it wasn't meant to be because she was all of these things. And older than anyone I ever went out with too. I don't know what I thought. It was another painful tug at me, a symbolic reassurance that there was many different aspects to the Exile that I didn't even know the depth of. I was beginning to feel like what I was in was an actual purgatory. I was forced to witness all the emotions being felt around me, but I was not aloud to participate in any of it. The Exile's domination over me strengthened. My voice and the expression of my emotions to her was in an intoxication incantations. I guess I am just dropping out of any attempts at really being social at all. Everytime I go out into the new town, I feel like I am in a foreign place full of mirror personalities of people that live in Neverleave. Unfortunately, they are different people, and none of them know me. I have had dreams like this, and they were the kind of dreams you forget about at first, then remember it later. The kind of dreams that you can't talk to anyone because no one wants to listen. There are the same kinds of places, mirrored like the people. The mirror Back Room is a place I have only heard about from people that have been there. I don't even know its name. I used to like crowded bar scenes, and now I think I would rather just stay in.

Chapter 5

September 1999

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